| I believe in reason more than coincidence. |
[04 Sep 2009|03:44am] |
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mood |
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music |
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Bloc Party - This Modern Love |
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There is not a day that goes by where I don't think of you. You don't consume my thoughts like you used to but what I mean is, even if its for a split second its the fact that I still think of you. I don't think of you in the ways I used to when you used to consume my thoughts. I think of you in a way where I wonder if may be there is a possibility in the future we could give it another try, if not, at least be back in each others lives....
I know I changed drastically not long after I moved out and went to college. I got really into drugs and you knew it even though you weren't physically thereto see it. You kept telling me you loved me for a reason and that you don't just say you "love" someone just because. But then as I started drifting away from myself, the person you fell in love with was drifting away also. When I look back at my relationship with you I can see why you left me. I don't blame you and I am glad you did. You taught me so many things about what it means to be in a relationship and what it means to love that person. You taught me things about myself that I wouldn't have ever noticed because only you saw those sides of me and your criticism was honest and blunt enough for me to take into consideration and strive to fix them rather than take it as offense and hold a grudge against you. I appreciate the effect you've made in my life because it has made me strive to be a better person, the person you met in the beginning. I don't know if maybe I'm meant for someone else and I just needed you to show me the way or if maybe one day we'll reunite and you'll see how much I've changed you'd want me back in your life in some way. And hopefully you still remained the beautiful, intelligent, passionate, and loving person through out the years we've been apart. I don't know. Sometimes I can't even picture falling in love with you again. But for some reason I still think about you. And whether you were just meant to show me the way I want you to know I haven't met anyone as beautiful and amazing as you since you left me. I'm not looking for any sort of romantic relationship with anyone. I am not ready for that. I'm more concerned in being a better person for myself first and for that special someone who deserves me. Always in the back of my mind I think about that day when we finally see each other again and you see how much I've changed, I wonder how you would react to me and what would be the look upon your face? I don't know if that day would ever come but I guess I should be certain of at least one thing. I should be certain that I do change. And when I do, I shouldn't think you' d want me back instantly but I would hope to leave you with a lasting impression. I love you. I hope you're well. You said you've always had a feeling that you'd be alone but are you alone if you're in my thoughts? Well wherever you are and whatever you are doing, I hope you're happy and I hope you come back in to my life one day. I miss you.
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| I don't need your fucking medication Doctor Robert. |
[29 Jun 2009|12:17pm] |
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I used to let my aunt's issues overwhelm me emotionally and mentally. I've gone to the mental hospital twice already and what I've learned isn't the fact that you must take your medication properly in order for it to work, but the fact that the issues you encounter in life you must handle with the best emotional stability you possibly can provide for yourself. You have to learn how to control your angers and stresses in order to handle any circumstances you're in in life. You cannot let people's problems become yours.
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| Sorrow drips into my heart through a pin hole. |
[03 Jun 2009|04:57pm] |
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Friends. How do you define a friend? I've gone through many, still have many, but still feel as empty as an addict yearning for something more. My "friend" yesterday was talking about how even though he has many friends there's always that certain group of "close" friends that he has. He also added that he believes everyone does and sadly, I thought to myself that I don't. Is that what is missing in my life? I don't feel like I have a close bond with anyone. What are the affects of this type of loneliness? People are constantly coming and going in my life, that no one really stays around. I don't believe it's a matter of my personality....or is it? I'm not a drama queen. I don't provoke arguments or fights. I don't talk enough shit about my own friends to be called a shit talker. I don't know what it is. My life has been a series of unfortunate events but I will not give into depression. I will not give up this hope that things will get better.
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